Facing Anger

Anger is probably the most confusing emotion.
It’s so very clear when we share someone’s anger, it makes so much sense and nothing could possibly be clearer. It’s almost becomes a tangible fact.

But when we don’t share that emotional opinion, it becomes alien. Frightening, confusing. Something to be pitied or pointed out as the ‘naivete’ or ‘weakness’ of that nebulous ‘Other’, that which is so outside our own-selves that it must be wrong and therefor we’re not alike enough to be seen sharing the same space.

Personal secret time. I am actually a very angry person. I am fully aware of the great hurt and violence I could inflict upon others if I were to turn off the curiosity i have for my fellow humans that helps to keep me in check. I have seen fear that I caused, created through my own actions cross, pass, flit across another person’s face. Surprise, hurt and eyes darting about for escape. I never want to see that expression again. I want to see that expression again.

It feels right, it feels righteous. So how could this righteous certainty possible be wrong?

It’s easier to be angry then it is to be fearful, sad, vulnerable. It feels safe, it feels right. It feels strong. Because if we can tear into meat, down to the marrow it proves the strength of our conviction, of our might. Master the fight, master the will, we can prove the righteousness of our anger through action. Inaction is cowardice, don’t think, pounce. We know our own mind and in our own mind, we are the hero, we are the righteousness that the world needs, if only everyone would just step back and listen.
Show them our anger and we can make them see, they would see how right they could be too. It’s an intoxicant, it is in you as well, it is toxic.

I don’t know what’s right. I fear i never have. This is why i will continue to listen, digest and hug everyone instead. Don’t let me go.
I’m scared and it would be so much easier to be angry…


Fun Facts

K: Valid. Asking for fun facts about you 😉

J: ?  Um Spiders…?
I can still make the best fake farts on any fleshy bits…
I can smell viscosity?
I want all horrors to be real so I can join them?
Um, I can make sudden soup outta pretty much anything…
These any good?

Well the spider one is good

J: 😦 I don’t know what else to say then.

Hogging All the Punch Lines

J: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Z: One. Because they are efficient and don’t have a sense of humor?
J: ::sigh:: yes. You ruin everything
Z: Yes. Because I am German and have no sense of humor

J: Did you know that there are 6 kinds of gluttony?
Z: Are they all in your stomach?

J: I love you
Z: I don’t get it
J: I have nothing to throw at you


Chip away.
Dust falling, drifting down and i breathe in the particle smell to hid the evidence of excavation. Filling my lungs until I am heavy with your walls.
Smuggling your hurts inside my own until i can find a way to free them both.They leak out when it becomes too much, mineral and salt tearing at skin that only longs too.

My favorite thing is your face.
When it laughs tripped up by an unexpected smile fighting past a thorn of frowns. When i make you feel despite yourself.

Walls crumble and i wonder what will happen when i no longer cry for you.

Desk Vertigo Doesn’t Love You

J: My right side seems to think we’re too high up.

Z: Bwah? Your right side is experiencing vertigo?

J: Yeah I guess? ‘cept i don’t get dizzy. My feet and hands get sweaty/tingly when i’m at a great height. It’s happening right now. But just the right side…

Z: Well fine then, non-dizzy getting jerk.

J: It’s like my extremities just get really worried.

Z: Because everything you do is a jerk.

J: Probably because they know they’d take the brunt of the impact, if i actually fell.

Conversations In Deer Urine

M: Well, back to animal pee and scent maskers…Imaging project…this is what confuses me.
A buck shows up and realizes there is no doe, but looks up and sees the pee stick…not a doe in a tree… A pee stick, and he doesn’t think, “oh shit, i gotta run, like now!”

J: I think the idea is he’d be tracking her while you’re watching him.
Soo it’s like the scented versions of “Hey look over there!” ::BONK!::

M: They have pictures in their catalog of just that, a buck smelling a pee stick… Doesn’t he know the difference? It’s weird…and now I know all about it, how useful 😠
That and I didn’t know, “rut” was what mating season is called for deer. So, when I read “doe in rut” I automatically read, “doe in a rut,” thinking so he is going to save her…hello mandy, deer do not save injured deer… I was like, wow, I am a moron…bahahahaha!

J: No yer not. I like yer thought process.
All deer get into ruts and it’s clearly up to the hero deer to get them out of jams.


J: Because like a spidey sense they smell trouble and them BAM! we shoot them.
Because who would want a non-hero deer on their wall?

M: Bahahahaha! Yeah, that there fella was trying to save his doe when I got him…
Got her too…Bonus!

J: I gave his cape to my son.
Then i forgot and shot him too.

M: I hate it when that happens

J: Right? We can all learn from this.
Don’t give deer capes to children.
The child’s life you save just might be your own.